Laisser tel quel. Laisser tel quel is French for "Leave it be". Why this phrase? Allow me to elaborate.
I had given some serious thought to erasing everything that had ever been written on here and starting over as a new human being on the blog-sphere. While yes it is true, I gave my little corner of the internet a new look, a new title, and I'll admit it does have more of an overall sense of foreboding. However, I decided to leave all the things I wrote before for basically two reasons.
1. It shows who I used to be.
2. Story-telling is very important.
It is important that you know who I used to be because who I am now doesn't make sense without that view into the fake happiness that I portrayed here. Looking happy is a skill, it is a skill that I acquired over many years of oppression, fear, guilt, and distrust. It is a skill that I still implement at times, but I need a place to put all my satirical meanderings and outlandish ideas about life. I also need people, certain people to see what certain schools of thought do to the human psyche. I have been more than damaged by sexism, cults, courtship, rigid fundamentalism, and patriarchy, I have been broken. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change the experiences I have had for they have made me who I am today. But, I know I never want to make anyone feel the way that so many others made me feel growing up and as an adult.
I am much happier now that I allow myself to feel unhappiness, instead of shoving it down. Running is never the answer. The question will always follow you. So, no more fake happiness for me. Love with a pinch of sarcasm, (ok a semi-truck full) is my chosen mode of transportation through this beautiful, terrible, sorrowful, and exciting wild human experience.
So, after 2 years, being shunned, getting out of a cult, many therapy sessions, 3 court cases, 7 changes of address, 5 piercings, a suicide attempt, a tattoo, dreaded hair, and two summers of self loathing and selfish self absorption I finally feel free. I am by no means at the end of my journey, I haven't arrived. What I believe is, and always will be changing and morphing based on my experiences but that is the beauty of life is it not?
So, for those reasons I shall leave my blog be. I shall "Laisser tel quel". Feel free to meander through its various posts, as embarrassing to me as most of them are. It's important to my story. It's important to your understanding of where I have come from. It's important.
The allergy is real, and sarcasm - my reaction.
Let the games begin.
-Facepalm Queen
